T minus. . .

... 4 days and counting:

KITH planning blog, stardate 040308, excerpt from the commander's log:

"Event is shaping up nicely. Sent 36 e-mails today. 32 of them were to Teri. Had an entire conversation with Stefanie that seems to have taken place in about the length of time it took the ship's crew to inhale a pineapple and tomato pizza. Have only a hazy idea what happened with the conversation OR the pizza. Must use my forensic skills to decipher the following notes from my subconscious: 'Baby car seat' 'Free books' 'Sexy purple minivan' 'Yarn shopping' and 'Yay!!!!'

"Later, became lost among the boxes between the ship's deck and the mess hall. Called for help, then was rescued by the insistent chirpings of a fat grey cat that had stowed away in a large basket covered in sunflowers.

"Went to bed by 1 a.m. - a huge improvement. However, lay awake worried about things I may be forgetting until at least 3 a.m. Woke up 2 hours later to find my kitchen table covered in bullet-listed sticky notes."

3 days and counting:

"Rewrote class handouts at oh dark thirty. Couldn't read them the next day. Sent them to Jo Minor anyway.

"Later, intercepted telepathic message from captain to first mate as follows: 'Dear Christine, Jo Major is driving me crazy. If she sends me another e-mail all bets are off. I'll tie her up with my shiny new green tape measure if you'll slit her throat with your DPNs. Love, Teri' Sketched outline for court martial over threatened mutiny but decided it would have to wait until next week."


2 days and counting:

"Made plans to spend the evening calling the volunteer army, but could not find Sacred Mystical White Binder Containing the Combined KITH Wisdom of the Ancients, wherein was written the names of all the volunteers along with their phone numbers and addresses. Tore up house. Wailed. Gnashed teeth. Sent e-mails to aforementioned mutinous crew members accusing them of sacrilegious acts such as Accidentally Walking Off With the KITH Binder After the Ritual of Mass Nametag Assemblage. Finally resorted to hacking the captain's Googledocs account to get phone numbers.

"Spent four hours on the phone rallying the troops. Heard unholy amounts of ravelry gossip but also answered at least once the question 'What the heck is ravelry?' Asked spouse if he had seen Sacred Mystical White Binder Containing the Combined KITH Wisdom of the Ancients, which has been in the house for the traditionally appointed time of a year and a day. Spouse said 'What binder? Why are all these boxes full of crap all over the place?'

"Barricaded self in the ship's brig. Updated hacked spreadsheet. Struggled to remember the spelling of the word 'koi.' Heard muffled yelling from on deck that sounded like '....this binder?[mumble]...kitchen?' Yelled back 'Where did you find it?' and received the answer 'On the[mumble] ... refrigerator.' Opened mouth to ask for clarification (On? Near? Or, God forbid, In?) but decided it was best not to know, and said 'Thank you' instead.

"Had the most amazing dream I've ever had. Strangely, it ended up being about... sleeping."

1 day and counting...
"Descent into madness has been swift and complete. Found e-mail in my sent file as follows: 'Dear Christine, did you send those e-mails I've already asked you six times if you've sent? My brain is mustard.'

Have no idea when I sent this e-mail but have been giggling every time I think of the word 'mustard.'